i love this zine and i love exploring the celebration of the femme identity. i've rejected everything girly since i was really really young. butterflys were stupid, hearts were cheesy, pink was for losers, and i sure as hell was gonna prove to every boy around i was TUFF. i've always inserted myself into this conservative, misogynist city/world by being boyish while repressing the parts of me that wants to wear dresses and bottom and loves flowers and wants to be treated like i'm soft. this isn't to say my butch phases weren't hella legit, but just that it didn't represent the whole of me and really was the only way i knew how to be a strong woman. i'm not sure yet if i identify as femme, but it makes more and more sense as i read about de-dichotomizing femme-ness...not defining femme as the inverse of butch but instead seeing strength in my femininity. dressing cute and liking pretty colors and wanting a fella to be sweet to me isn't frivolous and it doesn't make me weak. its just stuff i like and i'm still tough as nails in a cute dress and mary janes holding a fella's hand. somehow whenever i start to date someone, to go into being-loved mode or being-the-girl mode i switch into this passive mess cuz i guess thats how i know how to be feminine or cuz i am afraid my strength will intimidate the folks, mostly guys, that i date. its like i can't be strong and be the girl to someone's boy at the same time. but i need to validate what i've known all a long. i'm a tough woman who tends to date men who need or are attracted to my strength... its ok if i'm both the feminine one and totally independent and TUFF. in fact, its fabulous. and i need to get over this hang up. passivity makes me even more awkward than i already am cuz its just not me. and its being tough yet grrly that makes me who i am and attracts the lucky fellas who get to be my lovers (and you know i'm sexystrong when i bottom and FUCKING FIERCE when i top). all this FEMME-positive lit thats coming out these days is rad and validating and i love what its teaching me about myself and about other women. about being woman-identified (think adrienne rich and the lesbian continuum) and smashing the misogyny that makes us overlook, ignore, or disregard feminine women and men, that makes me disregard myself. sure i wouldn't mind a knight in shining armor, but i know better than to hold my breath and really when dude rides up my badass self will already have everything under control then sweep ms. or mr. knight right off their feet. cuz this grrrls got it covered.
hmm.. anyway, this zine is hot shit. check it out.
No comments:
Post a Comment